Something happened at work the other day that got me thinking about our capacity to care.
A project that was my responsibility wasn’t being delivered in a way that exceeded expectations. Heck, it didn’t even meet expectations. Truth be told, it disappointed those who were counting on it. And that is not the Pro-Tech way. It’s not my department’s way. And it’s not my way.
Luckily, the timing was such that we were able to both understand and correct the issue.
I was angry (still am) that it happened. There were many reasons (always are) – but ultimately, as most things do, it comes down throwing all the excuses out the door and taking a good hard look at yourself.
If I cared enough, would this have happened?
If I cared enough…
I thought I did. I love my job. I love this company. I like, trust and admire every single person who works here. The culture of excellence and integrity here is palpable.
I work hard every day. I’m passionate and energetic.
So what was it that allowed for this failure?
Again, I kept coming back to our capacity to care. Are there limits? How do we manage the things we are responsible for so excellence is always delivered?
First of all, our capacity to care can be measured in two ways. The first, the vertical if you will, is our level or degree of caring, which I think is unlimited. I don’t think there’s a cap on how much we can care for or love something. There is no yardstick that can measure the love or care I have for my family. It’s an infinite number, we can always +1, if that makes any sense.
The second, the horizontal if you will, is our capacity of caring, which I think has limits. How many things can you care for? How many things can you give that full degree of caring to? I think this is where we start falling down.
I think this can be understood a bit more when we look at people who devote much of their lives to being great at one single thing. Einstein is a great example. He devoted his life to his one great passion, physics. He changed the world because his degree of caring for theoretical physics was off the charts. But dig a little deeper and you find out he not a good husband. He was not a good father. The width of his caring was limited by the degree of his caring for one thing over everything else.
History is filled with example after example of the same type of individual.
I often wonder if that is one of the key ingredients for greatness – the ability (the weakness?) to let all things in your life take a back seat to your one, great passion.
Is it simply how some people are wired? Is it something we can actually manage?
Most of us, I would guess, are not on the extreme end of things here. Most of us care a lot about many things and care a great deal about select things.
At some point we all tend to overload, and that is when we start dropping the ball.
And this is not an excuse. I think is simply is reality.
Just as you can’t drive your car 100 mph everywhere, you can’t over extend your capacity to care. Both result it crashes.
So what do we do? Well, sometimes we drive our cars at 30 mph, where appropriate. That doesn’t mean we don’t care, it just means we understand there are times when you allow yourself to go fast (express ways) and times when it’s even OK to speed. And there are times, 30 mph is OK.
How does this translate back to us, our commitments, and our capacity to care?
Well, I think it means we need to be careful what we take responsibility for. It means we need to develop an understanding of our capacity limits … maybe it’s three big things and two smaller things – however you want to define them.
Maybe it means while you’re in the 30 mph lane, you ensure someone else is in the 55 lane, and another is speeding like a maniac.
Whatever it means, the important thing is we take these moments, these opportunities that are thrust upon us to reflect, learn and grow.
You have incredible power over your children. No matter what age they are. Or what age you are.
With it you have a responsibility to teach. Through your actions, your words, your emotions, your attitudes, your beliefs – you will shape them, you will mold them, you will color their world. Even when you think you are not. Especially then.
When you are quiet, they will hear you most.
When you are silent, they will feel it.
Every time you touch them, they will fee love. Even when you punish.
Punish rarely. Teach often.
There are a thousand teachable moments every day.
Embrace them. They are priceless. As is the brightness of your children’s souls.
When you act in a way that causes you regret, shame or embarrassment - go to them when the quiet sets in and apologize. Let words pour out of you that sooth them. And yourself. You will grow to be a king because of it.
They are innocent long after you think they are not.
They are more knowledgeable than you expect.
They will absorb things that will stay with them, clear as day, until the day they die. What do you think those things might be?
What are yours? You have them still. Tucked away, in a place, somewhere – that will always be safe.
They want you near them as much as they want to be freed from you – your children. Like magnets, sometimes they repel, sometimes they attract. But always there is that chemistry. That electricity. That gravity.
Within them are the best and worst of you.
They consist of dark as well as the light. They consist of a million different grays. Let them know your preference.
What’s important to them must be important to you. What it’s important to you must be known. Do they know?
I told my son once that I didn’t have any expectations of him, other than to be happy. It was something he needed to hear, but I often wonder if that was a terrible thing to say to him. I think about that conversation a lot.
More than he knows.
At a certain age, you just have to let them wander. And wonder.
Racer Turned Fitness Runner
Ok. I admit it. I am now a “fitness” runner. The very thing I once despised.
Let me explain.
Back when I was a walking, talking idiot (high school days) – I thought that if you didn’t run to race, you were a loser. You were in some other category of runner that had no value. It was something I just didn’t understand. One, because I was young and naïve. And two, because I wasn’t a real runner yet.
It was also a position I couldn’t possibly maintain – because, to be honest, I was never ultra-competitive (like the Michael Jordans or Tiger Woods of the world).
My first big race should explain.
It was my junior year in high school, and I was in the county championships – running the 800m. With about 150m to go, I was IN the race. I was in a position to win it - and I will never forget the thrill of that precise moment. A few seconds later I had gotten myself boxed in, lost all momentum and eventually finished out of the medal hunt
Yes, I was disappointed. But the thrill and excitement of being IN the race, being in position to win near the end – that far outweighed any feelings of disappointment I had for losing.
And that pretty much sums up my entire running history.
It was never the wins or losses that mattered – it was always the thrill of the race.
In fact my fondest memories of running are not from races, but from training runs. For example, a number of years ago a buddy of mine and I would go out each Wednesday and hammer an hour run. I always thought that if you were in shape enough to hammer an hour run – that was the epitome of running. I think that alone put me in the “real” runner category.
So now that I only run 3 to 4 times a week – and no longer race [much :-)]. I run for the joy of it, for the amazing sense of freedom it gives me – and yes, the health benefits.
And I’m OK with that. I’m a real runner now.
Current age / weight / height: 43 / 155 lbs / 5’8”
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Core:
Grit – it’s been on my mind a lot this week. After reading an article in ESPN magazine (http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/draft2011/news/story?id=6299428) that concluded the number one factor in determining how successful a quarterback will be in the NFL is Grit – I’m convinced it’s the number one factor in determining success in most everything else.
I don’t think Grit can be taught, learned or otherwise acquired. Either you have it or you don’t. It may take the right combination of cause and passion to spring it to life, but no amount of excitement will translate to Grit.
How much Grit do you have? How much do I have?
What have you worked tirelessly at for weeks, months, years? Because that is what Grit is. It’s crazy work ethic over time.
I’m going to need to test myself on this. How about you?
Innocence – My brother’s daughter learned the secret behind Santa this week. The end of innocence, or at least the start of it.
My youngest son is 7 and I still see him as innocent being. It’s one of the most beautiful things to observe in this world – and I will miss it when it’s gone.
He’s not yet tainted by all the darkness the world has to offer. Life is still …. perfect, in a way.
We all still have some degree of innocence to us. I just wonder if it’s a good or bad thing. There are so many things we don’t know. So many things we refuse to know. So many things we will never know.
Is innocence good or bad? Would love your thoughts.
Rhythm – It’s a beautiful sounding word. It has a flow and beauty all to itself. Not many words do.
A friend of mine announced he was getting into a rhythm this week – and that it was a wonderful feeling. I agree completely.
We all like routine to some degree. But rhythm goes a bit deeper. It means we are in sync with the world and its workings – and in that flow there is beauty.
We can never actively get into rhythm – it just kind of happens. But you sense when you are there, as it creates a peace and flow to our lives that help us get to point A from point B without the usual effort.
Have you been in a rhythm lately? Tell me about it. How is it different than other states you are in?
This is the “Joe Fresco” pitch I was making to Guy Kawasaki in my dream last night. My alarm went off just as he was smiling and shaking his head, “yes, yes” - and probably about to hand me over millions in venture money. Damn you alarm clock!
It’s basically taking TLC’s “What Not To Wear” concept and turning it into a brick & mortar store franchise – for men.
- Focus on the “Dad” – age 30-60
- Who, after being married and with kids, has let style creep away
- Put the stores in malls for walk-thru traffic & partnering opportunities
- Focus on business casual type clothes, but will do everything from weekend style to suits
- Will not sell the clothes, but will help them shop for clothes (at partner sites in the mall)
- Will offer tailoring, as that is the easiest way to improve any look
- Will offer haircuts
- Will sell “packages”: style consultation & shopping guide, tailoring, haircut
- Will even tailor his existing wardrobe
- Our value is, “We hand-hold you to cool
- Deliverables:
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.
First of all, value is not given – it is earned. Whether you like it or not.
And whether or not you are valued sometimes has less to do with you, and more to do with the other person or people involved, in whatever relationship dynamic is at work.
If what you are providing is not perceived or understood as valuable, then you have a big disconnect. There is no situation where a disconnect of this type has ever led to anything good.
If you feel you are not being valued, you have two choices:
1) Give up trying until both parties realize neither one provides any value. At this point, a break up of some sorts will happen. Trust me.
or
2) Bust your ass every single minute of every day until your value can no longer be ignored
This is how you do it.
You start by having an incredibly awkward conversation. You tell your partner, your boss or whomever that there appears to be a gap. And in this gap, all the stuff you are doing or think you are doing to provide value falls. And therefore, can not be seen by him or her.
This is the interesting part: How your partner or boss responds or reacts to this statement will tell you exactly the nature of the gap. It will be an eye-opener of all eye-openers.
Or you can simply say, “How can I better provide value to you?”
Too often we just don’t know what’s truly important to the people, departments or organizations we are trying to provide value to. And that’s everyone’s fault. Poor communication on both sides.
Don’t let this happen. Take charge of the situation.
Have the awkward conversation. Ask the question.
In the end, you should have a vey clear understanding of what you need to be doing to provide value. On the flip side, you’ll be able to share what you need in return.
1 Rework - Jason Fried
2 The Orange Revolution - Chester Elton
3 Crush It - Gary Vaynerchuk
4 Let My People Go Surfing - Yvon Chouinard
5 Behind the Cloud - Marc Benioff
6 Delivering Happiness - Tony Hsieh
7 It’s Your Ship - Michael Abrashoff
8 Influence - Robert Cialdini
9 Economics in One Lesson - Henry Hazlitt
10 You Don’t Need a Title to be a Leader - Mark Sanborn
11 The Fred Factor - Mark Sangorn
12 The Art of Influence - Chris Widener
13 Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell
14 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
15 Good to Great - Jim Collins
16 Switch - Chip Heath
17 Shift - Peter Arnell
18 The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
19 How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie
20 Crucial Conversations - Ron McMillan
21 Made to Stick - Chip Heath
22 The Five Dysfunctions of a Team - Patrick Lencioni
23 The Pursuit of Wow - Tome Peters
24 Swim with the Sharks - Harvey Mackay
25 The Art of War - Sun Tzu
26 Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill
27 Little Red Book of Selling - Jeffrey Gitomer
28 Multipliers - Liz Wiseman
29 The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind - William Kamkwamba
30 Presentation Zen - Garr Reynolds
31 Purple Cow - Seth Godin
32 Linchpin - Set Godin
33 Built to Last - Jim Collins
34 The World is Flat - Thomas Friedman
35 The Fifth Discipline - Peter Senge
36 Competitive Strategy - Michael Porter
37 In Search of Excellence - Tom Peters
38 The Little Big Things - Tom Peters
38 When Pride Still Mattered - David Maraniss
40 Washington - Ron Cherno
41 Be Great - Peter Thomas
42 The Last Lecture - Randy Pausch
43 Enchantment - Guy Kawasaki
44 How Full is Your Bucket - Tom Rath
45 The 22 Immutable Laws of Branding - Al Ries
46 Fish - Stephen Lundin
47 Business Playground - Dave Stewart
48 Fascinate - Sally Hogshead
49 59 Seconds - Richard Wiseman
50 Baden-Power: The Two Lives of a Hero - William Hillcourt
51 Peak - Chip Conley
52 Tribal Leadership - Dave Logan
53 Achieving the Impossible - Lewis Gordon Pugh
54 The Secret - Rhonda Byrne
55 Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Suess
56 Principle Centered Leadership - Stephen Covey
57 Pour Your Heart Into It - Howard Schultz
58 Never Eat Alone - Keith Ferrazzi
59 The Orange Revolution - Adrian Gostick
60 The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
61 Visioneering - Andy Stanley
62 Finance for Managers - Harvard Business School Press
63 It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want to Be - Paul Arden
64 Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
65 The Leadership Moment - Michael Useem
66 Discovering the Soul of Service - Leonard Berry
67 Zag - Marty Neumeier
68 First, Break All the Rules - Markus Buchingham
69 Orbiting the Giant Hairball - Gordon MacKenzie
70 What the CEO Wants You To Know - Ram Charan
71 Thinker Toys - Michael Michalko
72 Getting Things Done - David Allen
73 Freakonomics - Stephen Levitt
74 The Mentor Leader - Tony Dungy
75 The Personal MBA - Josh Kaufman
76 Strategy - Sir Basil Lidell Hart
77 MBA: Management by Auerbach - Red Auerbach
78 The Essential Drucker - Peter Drucker
79 Innovation and Entrepreneurship - Peter Drucker
80 Capital Markets - Franco Modigliiani
81 Crossing the Chasm - Geoffrey Moore
82 A Whack on the Side of the Head - Roger von Oech
83 Creating - Robert Fritz
84 The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership - John Maxwell
85 As a Man Thinketh - James Allen
86 The Happiness Hypothesis - Jonathan Haidt
87 The Greatest Salesman in the World - Og Mandino
88 Five Frogs on a Log - Mark Feldman
89 Jack Welch and the GE Way - Robert Slater
90 We - Rudy Karsan
91 What Every Body is Saying - Joe Navarro
92 On Becoming a Leader - Warren Bennis
93 Jack - Jack Welch
94 War - Sebastian Junger
95 Naked Economics - Burton G. Malkiel
96 The Speed of Trust - Stephen Covey
97 Winning - Jack Welch
98 Brand Simple - Allen Adamson
99 How the Mighty Fall - Jim Collins
100 Nuts - Kevin Freiberg
Customer Engagement Zone
Do you map your markets/customers through to an engagement zone? The above is a sample (not real) of how I map markets to decision makers/customers to an engagement zone.
This enables me develop specific tactics for each customer sub-set, ensuring I’m engaging with each in a way that is meaningful to them.
I do this for each market until I reach a specific customer set I am trying to have a relationship with.
It provides a clarity and a specificity needed to provide real content/messaging to each interaction.