I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.

First of all, value is not given – it is earned. Whether you like it or not.

And whether or not you are valued sometimes has less to do with you, and more to do with the other person or people involved, in whatever relationship dynamic is at work.

If what you are providing is not perceived or understood as valuable, then you have a big disconnect. There is no situation where a disconnect of this type has ever led to anything good.

If you feel you are not being valued, you have two choices:

1) Give up trying until both parties realize neither one provides any value. At this point, a break up of some sorts will happen. Trust me.

or

2) Bust your ass every single minute of every day until your value can no longer be ignored

This is how you do it.

You start by having an incredibly awkward conversation. You tell your partner, your boss or whomever that there appears to be a gap. And in this gap, all the stuff you are doing or think you are doing to provide value falls. And therefore, can not be seen by him or her.

This is the interesting part: How your partner or boss responds or reacts to this statement will tell you exactly the nature of the gap. It will be an eye-opener of all eye-openers.

Or you can simply say, “How can I better provide value to you?”

Too often we just don’t know what’s truly important to the people, departments or organizations we are trying to provide value to. And that’s everyone’s fault. Poor communication on both sides.

Don’t let this happen. Take charge of the situation.

Have the awkward conversation. Ask the question.

In the end, you should have a vey clear understanding of what you need to be doing to provide value. On the flip side, you’ll be able to share what you need in return.